The Vow
by satomobile
Summary: A life changing experience causes Lin to make a promise to herself that could have long term effects on her relationship with Tenzin.


The first time she sensed it, she was working. Officer Bei Fong had slammed her foot against the pavement in an attempt to "see" where the perp she was tracking had taken refuge.

A heartbeat.

It was close. Very near. She closed her eyes tighter and focused as her mother had taught her. After a moment her eyes shot open.

"Where is he Lin?" her partner, Ki, asked immediately.

She couldn't move. Could barely breathe. Her eyes were beginning to water.

"Lin? Is everything ok?"

That heartbeat was unnervingly near.

"Everything is fine, Ki. Let me try again," she replied steadily. She raised her foot once more, but before she brought it down a second time the criminal went scrambling hastily from behind a cluster of barrels in the corner of the warehouse. In an instant, Ki had deployed his metal cables and tripped up the assailant.

Running forward he called over his shoulder, "Where is your head, Lin? Seriously."

She simply swallowed.

Lin Bei Fong had always been brave, her mother had made sure of it. Toph Bei Fong, world-famous earthbender and metalbending pioneer had raised her only child to be fiercely independent and self-sufficient. By the age of four, Lin had been expected to wake up to an alarm, prepare her own food, and dress herself for school. Toph had very little tolerance for the helplessness usually associated with children and aimed to turn her daughter into an earthbending prodigy from the outset. Her methods were effective, though they caused Sokka to once comment that Lin's training had bordered on child abuse. The rigors of Lin's upbringing had caused mild undercurrents of resentment in their mother/daughter relationship, but ultimately had become something Lin was grateful to have experienced. Toph pushed and loved her daughter in equal measure, motherly love was tempered with respect. Lin had been treated like an adult since she was a toddler, but in any circumstance she knew that her mother would come through with a word of loving reassurance when needed.

Lin felt as if she needed some kind of reassurance just now. To be perfectly honest, she hadn't been this scared of anything in living memory. It was this feeling of fear that landed her on her mother's door step that evening. As she curled her fist to knock, she heard Toph's familiar voice on the other side of the door,

"Come on in, kiddo. Doors unlocked."

Pushing through she came face to face with her mother, barefoot and vacant. She said nothing. A minute passed in silence.

"Lin. Are you alone?" Toph finally asked.

"I don't think so..." Lin answered quietly.

A small smile parted her mother's lips. She let out a chuckle and hugged her daughter. "What did Tenzin say?"

"I haven't told him yet. My shift just ended."

"What are you doing here, kid? Get over there! He's going to flip. That whole family will go bananas." Toph laughed releasing Lin from her arms and turning her around by her shoulders.

"But, Mom...I'm-" Lin protested squirming out of her grasp and turning to face her mother. Before she could finish, Toph cut across her,

"Hold it right there. If you're about to say that you are scared, I already know. I've been there. As you know, I never wanted a child- "

"Yes. Thank you for mentioning that right now, Mother."

"Shut up and let me finish, Lin."

Lin sighed and closed her mouth. Toph continued, "I never wanted a child, but the moment I touched your little face was the best moment of my life. I have never been more proud or scared of anything before, but the fear goes away. Life happens and you just have to get on with it. Besides, Bei Fongs don't do scared, do we?"

Lin rolled her eyes and reluctantly shook her head.

"Well?"

"No," Lin replied exasperated.

"Good. Now get out of here. You've got somewhere to be."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Don't mention it," Toph smiled then added, "betcha money, Aang cries."

"Only a fool would take you up on that," Lin snarked.

"See! I raised you ok, didn't I?"

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye, kid."

Home for Lin was a tiny little building on Air Temple Island just a stone's throw from the Avatar and Katara's residence. She would have preferred to be closer to sea level, but this location was important to Tenzin and as he was a rarer variety of bender Lin was happy to allow him any sense of heritage he could cling to.

Lin arrived to find Tenzin in the garden talking with what she had mockingly dubbed as his "groupies." Aang and Tenzin liked to call them Air Acolytes, non-benders dedicated to preserving the culture and history of the Air Nomads. The acolytes saw Lin approaching over Tenzin's shoulder and shifted nervously- she figured she must have looked deadly serious.

"Tenzin," she said behind him.

The Airbender turned and smiled softly at her. He opened one arm toward her as if to usher her into the group, "Lin, I'd like you to meet two of our latest additions to the Acolytes, Nara and Pema."

The young girls smiled widely at Lin and held out their hands politely. Lin shook both of their hands dutifully, but turned quickly back to Tenzin. "Can I speak with you in private?"

"Are you ok?" he inquired quickly.

"I'm fine," Lin provided immediately, cheeks flushing slightly. It always embarrassed her when Tenzin fussed over her like this. It had been his way since they were children on the playground. Even on her first official day of patrol, Tenzin had 'just happened' to be in the area. It drove her crazy and flattered her at the same time.

Tenzin turned back to his newest pupils, "I'm sorry to cut our conversation short" he offered simply before reaching down and taking Lin's hand.

"Not to worry," Pema said quickly stealing a glance at the couple's entwined hands, "it was nice to meet you, Lin."

Lin nodded in affirmation.

"What's wrong?" He asked again quietly.

The walk back to their little house on the island was full of urgently whispered questions of this nature from Tenzin. He wore his worry like a billboard, eyebrows arching up and out of place, wide-eyed, and his latest nervous habit of rubbing his hand across his chin where his beard was beginning to grow were all on display.

"You are such an alarmist," Lin stated as she slipped past the front door and closed it behind them, sealing them safely inside their dwellings.

"Well..." Tenzin lead, not moving any further inside.

"I'm pregnant." Lin blurted.

She watched Tenzin's jaw drop open and his look of shock morph into one of pure happiness within a matter of seconds. His eyes suddenly glistened.

"Don't cry," she instructed seriously.

Tenzin simply began giggling. His giggle quickly escalated into irrepressible laughter, his excitement not finding an outlet in words. He pressed his hands against his face as if to keep it inside. In spite of herself, Lin began to laugh at Tenzin's reaction. With each fresh burst of laughter the fear began to abate. She wasn't going into it alone. She had Tenzin; her oldest friend, her first love, this laughing idiot across from her to lean on. This wasn't just her baby, it was theirs.

Lin insisted that only immediate family be told over dinner the following evening. Her natural cynicism would not allow her to advertise her condition at this early and precarious stage, but Tenzin's blatant euphoria forced them to let a few in on the happy news.

The reactions were somewhat predictable, Katara and Aang both cried. For Aang, there was a certain amount of self-satisfaction involved. He had been match-making his youngest son and Toph's daughter since the day Lin was born. Katara re-told told the now tired story about how thirty-three years ago, Aang had excitedly speculated, "wouldn't it be great if they grew up and got married and had babies themselves someday?" before the sweat on Toph's brow had dried.

"I knew it," he sobbed happily. They were always so excited by babies in this family.

Bumi, Tenzin's brother, had reacted with a quip of "nice work" and a wink. His sister, Kya, had jumped up and pulled Lin and Tenzin into a vice-like hug. Even Appa had bestowed a congratulatory lick along Lin's unamused face. The news of this baby was decidedly good.

Nobody was more excited or more relieved than Tenzin had been. One evening in bed, he rolled onto his side and rested his hand on Lin's abdomen. She looked at him over her book.

"I wonder if it will be an airbender."

She sighed. She knew the propagation of airbenders was a burden placed squarely on Tenzin's shoulders. Throughout their relationship he'd talked about the responsibility he felt to keep the airbender legacy alive. It used to terrify Lin to contemplate what that meant for her. She had never felt a particular compulsion to mother, nor was she sure she wanted to sign up for the potential guilt that would come with producing a garden variety earthbender.

Tenzin spoke again, "Feels like an airbender."

His voice was so hopeful, but Lin couldn't help but counter him.

"If its not?"

"We'll just try again," he answered airily with a smile. Lin rolled her eyes and laughed incredulously.

"How many kids do you think I'm willing to pop out?"

"As many as it takes?"

"As many as I can stand. I'm already dreading the upcoming months of being relegated to a desk, filing paperwork," Lin answered quickly pulling a face.

Tenzin smiled up at her, "it will be worth it."

"Guess so," she nodded with a smile.

Three months in and Lin was beginning to warm to the idea. Maybe motherhood wouldn't be like pulling teeth after all. She'd begun to allow herself to daydream about the little being inside her. Was it a boy? Hopefully it would be because Tenzin seemed dead set on calling a girl "Ikki" which Lin felt sounded a little too much like "Icky." A boy would be nice. Potentially easier to manage and probably called Aang. This idea suited Lin's imagination best.

"What is going on with you, Bei Fong?" her partner Ki asked, shaking her from her daydream.

"What do you mean?"

"What is going on with that," he replied pointing at her easy grin, "I've never known you to walk around... just smiling. What did you do with the Lin I used to know from the academy? Did you kill her and steal her body?"

Lin shrugged off his joke, but did not correct him. She had caught herself smiling lately while walking by a shop window or catching her reflection in a passing satomobile. Hope appeared to be creeping in.

"Its because I'm having a baby," she said finally.

The initial look of surprise on Ki's face gave way to a realization for Lin. The admission of this child's existence to someone outside her family had somehow made it tangible for her. While the prospect of motherhood remained daunting, her confession had allowed the image of her future to coalesce into something more solid that the earth beneath her feet. This was really going to happen. She was really going to be somebody's mother.

The last time she sensed it she was at work. The little heart pounded on unapologetically each time she used her seismic sense. It felt reassuring amongst the stomach pains she'd begun to suffer from.

"Its just morning sickness, sweetheart," Katara had explained when Lin complained that evening over dinner.

"Its eight at night," she replied.

"Morning is a broad term. It really happens all day. Not my fondest memories. Bumi was the worst..."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised..." Tenzin chimed in, pouring tea for everyone.

Lin chalked her doubts up to cynicism. After all, Katara had been pregnant three times and experienced all kinds of discomfort. It was not as if Lin had any previous experience to base this on. Though her abdomen seemed to be oscillating between sharp pain and dull aching Lin decided to try to relax and tough it out because she had just heard that steady, racing beat mere hours ago.

That evening she awoke to the sharpest pain she'd felt so far. She shot out of bed and though she moved quickly, felt as if her body was in slow motion. Dread was slowing her path to the bathroom. Lin fumbled for the light switch. When the light swept across the room, her worst fears were realized. Something had gone wrong, there wasn't supposed to be blood. Instantaneously, her throat tightened and her eyes stung. She let out a sob. A weakness, she reprimanded herself. Another sob came without warning, then another. She sat down on the edge of the tub, the cold porcelain reminding her that she wasn't yet completely numb.

She had never felt so empty in her life, never felt so hopeless. She never meant to give this baby so much power over her emotions, it had just barged in and taken over her life, her thoughts, her future. She felt a pang of resentment toward it. How could someone she'd never really known, leave her feeling so hollow? Her head was spinning. Imagining the look of disappointment on Tenzin's face made her throat seize up again. A soft knock at the door told her she wouldn't have to imagine his look much longer.

"Lin?" he whispered from the other side. She said nothing. She couldn't bring herself to verbalize it. Tenzin was not going to have any airbenders. It would crush him. She sobbed again. Something inside Lin told her that her only opportunity had died here in this bathroom.

"Lin? I'm coming in," Tenzin warned, his voice thick with fear.

His eyes clouded as they met Lin's tearful ones. She shook her head quickly as if to confirm the worst and attempted to wipe away the offending tears. He reached out to her with one arm and pulled her into his chest.

"Its okay," he whispered sadly. She shook her head again, another sob betraying her. She could feel his body shaking slightly. He repeated this statement of assurance over and over again. She wasn't sure if he was trying to convincer her or himself.

"We can always try again," he said finally, kissing her temple. Another sob snuck out and was diffused against Tenzin's skin.

"I can't," she replied coldly.

Tenzin's embrace tightened. She knew he just assumed her response was born of pain and that she would come around in time. Somewhere down the line, she would be able to hope again. But Lin knew she wasn't going to go through this another time. There would be no second try. Lin did not like feeling this out of control, this helpless. She vowed to herself in this moment that she would never let hope make a fool of her again.


End file.
